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My girlfriends all claimed to
have ‘em
six or seven times a night.
I never felt a spasm;
maybe I wasn’t doing it right.
K ama Sutra was fruitless with
Brian and Bill
It gave me no thrill, no throb.
I tried yoga and vodka, Gina and Jill;
I remained unfulfilled
‘till I found BOB
He’s my Battery Operated
Boyfriend
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
He’s my randy rubber Romeo,
my favorite toy-friend
Oy friend, he does the job
He’s a lovin’ machine, my
right-hand man,
An Alkaline Adonis, climax in a can
Talk about safe sex
My lover IS latex!
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
He’s gentle and affectionate
and easy to conceal
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
How many other lovers earn the Good Housekeeping Seal?
Keep your beer-guzzling slob
Does BOB cure insomnia?
Does BOB relieve stress?
I’d have to say y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-yes!
You should hear him hum
on maximum!
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
I sing the body electric
as my limbs begin to flail
I shake like an epileptic
breaking the Richter scale!
He’s a regular rocket that fits
in my pocket
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB
When I get an itch, it’s a flick of the switch,
a simple turn of the knob.
Who’d have thought a small
appliance
could be noble in its use?
It increases self-reliance,
self-esteem through self-abuse.
If you need a quick fix,
BOB’s at your cervix.
He’s the one for the job
OH MY GOD!
No one competes
No one defeats
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB!
NOBODY BEATS MY BOB!
Music and Lyrics by Camille West
© 2002 BMI
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